I am disappointed.

I am disappointed in myself.

I got a ‘C’ in chemistry.

I am so disappointed in myself you would think I had failed the class.

I think I’m more disappointed in myself about my chemistry grade than I was when I got a ‘D’ in math over the Summer.

A big part of me feels like I failed. I think it’s because this grade will decide my future.  This grade will affect the medical laboratory technician program heads decision on whether or not to accept me into their program. My math grade not so much, or the grade I received in the human biology class I took at LCC.

Anyways. Right now I’m making a list of the reasons why I want to be in the program because the application why I’m applying for the program.

Maybe I’ll post it here later?

WHERE IS MY CHEMISTRY GRADE?!! D. SAID THEY WOULD BE UP TODAY BECAUSE GRADES WERE DUE TODAY AT 5 P.M. WHERE IS IT?!!!

I WANT IT NOW!

ALSDKFJOSDIFJ;DSLFN;FLNSA!

*freaks out*

>.<

In other news, I got a B in math and an A in piano.

Seriously. I got my test back yesterday and I got a D! 65%! Fuck! The first test I got a low C! I’m so screwed! If I get a C or lower I for sure won’t get into the MLT program and then I’ll be put behind a year or just not even know what to do with myself. If I don’t get into the MLT program, I don’t know what I’m going to do, I have no back up plan. I’m kind of tired of school, I’m glad I get an almost month long break after finals next week.

OMFG FINALS!

I’m so scared for finals.

UGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I can do this though.

I need to do this.

Okay back to homework.

Today, I deleted a bunch of pictures off of my computer because my computer has been acting finicky. While going through them I realized something. I’m fucking ugly. My lips are ugly. My nose is ugly. My skin is ugly. My eyebrows are ugly. My hair is REALLY ugly. Over the years why hasn’t anyone told me how bad my hair looks????? It looks terrible! Even now! My bangs are very ugly. They really need to be professionaly cut because cutting them straight across is not in. They have no depth (I can’t believe I just said that about hair.) They are really ugly. Just terrible.

Aren’t I a ball of fucking sunshine today?

On a better note. I got a new sweater today. It’s a black cardigan sweater. It’s very soft because it has cashmere and silk in it. I really like it. With the sweater I also got some free lip gloss. Alyse was right, it does make you look like a straight girl ho. I still kinda like them though. One of them is cupcake flavored and it smells so good! d:

I’m really tired. I think I’m going to go to bed. Except I started reading Narnia this weekend. I’m about to start the Horse and His Boy. I’ve already finished The Magician’s Nephew and The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Also, I watched the Lion King this weekend, it was awesome. I missed it. I’ve decided I love lions, they’re my new favorite animal.

Sleep!

I know it wasn’t that long ago that I posted. (I’m on a roll!)

My dreams have been so very very vivid since I started school. It’s terrible.

The other night, I had a dream that I was talking to Marilee on the phone. I wish I could remember what we were talking about. I do remember though that it didn’t have much significance.  *sigh* I wish that it felt okay to talk to her. I want to talk to her so bad. I miss her so much. It has been at least 4 years since I last saw her.

I’ve also had dreams about playing the piano. I had a dream that I was sitting at a piano and an older man asked me what chords I know. *shrugs* It was an odd dream.

Sadly, I’m sure I will keep dreaming of the past. One night i would like to have a completely dreamless night.

I liked the world so much better, when I believed that I could achieve anything.

Now, reality has hit me in the motherfucking face 20x.

I feel like I was sucked into some motherfucking fairytale when I was young.

“You can be whatever you want to be!”

Yeah right! Take your goddamn sunglasses off and see the real world.

Today was shit. Not complete shit, but pretty shitty. The day was mostly overshadowed by one event.

*strong language and bad writing ahead!*

So I was at school today chillin’, working on chemistry. When this goddamn motherfucker that was in my writing class last fall came up and starting talking to me. [EDITZ: goddamn motherfucker is stupid, gross and in now way do i find him attractive.] Like the previous two or so times that he had talked to me since the class, I was hoping the conversation wouldn’t go very far. BUT NO. He asked me to go to lunch and I said “Yes sure.” BUT IN A MOTHERFUCKING TONE THAT SAID EH NO THANKS! then he asked me when am I available? I said tuesdays and thursdays. he said what about tomorrow? I said I have stuff to do tomorrow because I have shit due on wednesday. WHAT DOES HE SAY? what about 3? [I'm meanwhile thinking WTF DID I JUST SAY TO YOU????] so I told the MOTHERFUCKER yes because 1. I was so surprised by the whole convo and 2. this motherfucker was obviously not going to take no for an answer. ASSHOLE! I’m so angry right now. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So tomorrow I’m either going to 1. Be a bitch and ditch him or 2. Ditch him. {OMFG I just realized he is totally the type to FREAK. THE. FUCK. OUT.seriously, like FREAK! I hope I don’t have to see that! *cries*} Since that’s going to happen I’m going to have to avoid this motherfucker for the rest of the quarter. FML. *cries*

Then, when I got home I decided I wanted to go to sleep because I just wanted this motherfucking day to be over. NO not happening, I couldn’t fall asleep. While laying there trying to sleep I realized Friday is the day to sign up for classes so I decided to get on my computer and look up the numbers so I can sign up on Friday. [Don't you love run on sentences?] MOTHERFUCKERS [a.k.a. my school and stupid fuckers that go there (which sometimes includes myself)] CHANGED THE SCHEDULE. As if the schedule didn’t suck enough already. The math teacher I had been planning to sign up for got replaced with some craptastic teacher! So I had to completely change my schedule. The school’s schedule sucks SO MUCH there’s going to be a 6 hour period between my two classes that are at two different campuses.

Since I don’t know yet if I’m going to get into the MLT program, I decided I need to either sign up for biology or chemistry as my back up class which was impossible with my schedule! At least it was when trying not to get a crappy proffie and not a morning class since I’m going to be having a night class Tuesdays and Thursdays nights. Then I decided I should look up what the requirements are for the program at OHSU/OIT. That was when I was again informed that I need 25 biology credits AND 25 chemistry credits. I’m sucking at chemistry 100 right now, there’s no way I can take 20 more credits (about 4 classes) of hardcore chemistry (i.e. chemistry that involves way too much math.) So now I don’t know what I’m going to do with my self if I don’t get into the MLT program next year. I seriously don’t know.

*sigh* so I have an amazing amount of angry/sad energy balled up in me right now and I don’t know what to do with it. I’ll probably go eat and then sleep.

Or maybe I’ll just explode.

FML

First off, I’d like to start this lovely blog entry by saying that I have no idea where I’m going with this so I’m just gonna go.

Second, I’m very very tired so I’m in babble mode and not the most intelligent.

Three, putting waterproof liquid eyeliner on you waterline is not a good idea because it doesn’t work, it itches/tickles and it burns.

Four, the television show Community is freakin’ hilarious. I love it. The show I love even more is Glee! I now officially hate the baseball world series because Glee hasn’t been on for about two weeks and I sincerely miss it.(By the way I love how in Community the college has dorms. I’ve never heard of a community college having dorms. Mine certainly doesn’t.)

Five. Why the hell is this in a list format?!

Six, November 20th is the day to sign up for classes and I can’t decide whether or not I want to take Biology 211 with Tara or American Sign Language. Seriously I can’t decide. I can’t take them both at the same time because biology is early Tuesday and Thursday mornings at Rock Creek and sign language is late Monday or Wednesday nights. Also, I don’t think I can handle taking 3 really hard classes (Math 111, Biology 211, and ASL 101) at the same time. Plus, if I’m accepted into the MLT program after this program than it’s unnecessary for me to take biology 211, but it’s a class I would LOVE to take with Tara. But, I would love to take ASL because I’ve been wanting to learn the language for quite a while and winter and spring quarter would be the opportune time, especially if I get into the MLT program that starts next quarter.

Oh god don’t get me freakin’ thinking about what would happen if I didn’t get into the MLT program. IT’S SOMETHING I’M DEFINITELY not THINKING ABOUT.

{I ♥ caps}

[Seventh, holy crap! I can't believe how loud my local high school's band is! And the screaming fans! They must be having homecoming?]

“I have to tell you.”

*pause*

“My appendix is bursting.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Yeah. My appendix is bursting!”

*Fake screams*

lolz

Shit so this entry is getting ridiculous so I’m going to go to sleep.

Today was a great day.

1. The 32 got to MTC in time for me to catch the next 33.

2. The 44 was early ( actually probably late) so I got to school even earlier than usual

3. I didn’t completely bomb my piano quiz and I got out of class early

4. I got my financial aid check from the business office a lot faster than I thought I would and it was a plenty of money

5. I got out of math early which was good because I seemed to be just as tired as Barry was

6. The woman I used to talk to on the 32 bus @ 7:15 was on the 32 that I got on at MTC. We exchanged lots of smiles and lovely greetings. I was SOOO happy to see her. I missed her.

7. A woman asked me what brand of shoes I was wearing were and complimented them. I told her the brand and thanked her.

8. The bus driver was an awesome one. I generously thanked him when I got off the bus.

9. Glee and Law and Order: Special Victims Unit are on tonight. They are my two favorite shows so I’m very excited to watch them.

10. I have the day off tomorrow so I’ll get to sleep in which is very awesome.

Yeah so it was a good day today, but I’m glad it’s almost over. I’m going to go eat dinner now and not fall asleep before Glee comes on.