This is officially a Bitch Blog
Hot damn! It has been a long time since I last wrote in this blog.
I’m in San Jose right now, in a Starbucks.
Nothing has been looking up lately. I haven’t found a job, I learned I owe $1200 in healthcare related bills, I have $20,000 in student loans, the place I really wanted to live in in downtown Oakland fell through, and I only have $1200 in my bank account with absolutely no source of income.
I’m beginning to think I should cut my losses, and go back home, to my Mom’s place in Kelso and maybe join the military. I don’t think it would be completely horrible. If I join the Air Force maybe I can be with Lakisha. Even with the negative aspects to the military, it’s still a steady income with health benefits, food, housing, GI benefits and so on. I mean my dumbass brother (who I love) joined the Army and survived though he is getting discharged early. If i joined, Alyse would hate me for a very long time. We can’t even talk about Lakisha without Alyse’s hate for the military and the fact that Lakisha joined coming up. Something which I don’t think Alyse is going to forget until Lakisha comes home safe and sound, the same person she was when she left.
Speaking of Alyse, she is DRIVING ME INSANE! Everything is all about her all the time. It gets so old. I love her and care for her, but shit I feel like I don’t matter. Her reassurances about the future aren’t working, I kinda just want her to STFU. I know she works a lot and that GP is her whole like, but that’s all the she talks about and I’m so sick of hearing about it. [I just got my caramel frappucino everywhere because I slammed it on the table too hard] I’m sick of her leaving her shit everywhere and making a mess of things and not cleaning them up. I’m sick of her playing music loudly and talking on the phone late at night. I’m sick of dealing with her dog. I’m sick of the fact that she can’t deal with being a poor college student, almost every college student deals with it and she can too. I’m sick of her bitching about her problems and not actually doing something about them. I’m jealous of the fact her family can provide both emotional and financial support for her. I’m jealous that she’s not in debt. I’m jealous that she knows what she wants to do in school and with her life. I’m jealous that she has a job, a job that she loves. I’m jealous that she has the work experience to get a good job fairly easily. I’m jealous that she will always have a better life than me.
Glad to have that out of my system. Now I should go apply for jobs [Why are applications so much work??] and figure out what I’m going to do about my financial problems.
