Fugly
Today, I deleted a bunch of pictures off of my computer because my computer has been acting finicky. While going through them I realized something. I’m fucking ugly. My lips are ugly. My nose is ugly. My skin is ugly. My eyebrows are ugly. My hair is REALLY ugly. Over the years why hasn’t anyone told me how bad my hair looks????? It looks terrible! Even now! My bangs are very ugly. They really need to be professionaly cut because cutting them straight across is not in. They have no depth (I can’t believe I just said that about hair.) They are really ugly. Just terrible.
Aren’t I a ball of fucking sunshine today?
On a better note. I got a new sweater today. It’s a black cardigan sweater. It’s very soft because it has cashmere and silk in it. I really like it. With the sweater I also got some free lip gloss. Alyse was right, it does make you look like a straight girl ho. I still kinda like them though. One of them is cupcake flavored and it smells so good! d:
I’m really tired. I think I’m going to go to bed. Except I started reading Narnia this weekend. I’m about to start the Horse and His Boy. I’ve already finished The Magician’s Nephew and The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Also, I watched the Lion King this weekend, it was awesome. I missed it. I’ve decided I love lions, they’re my new favorite animal. 
Sleep!
Dreaming of the past in the future
I know it wasn’t that long ago that I posted. (I’m on a roll!)
My dreams have been so very very vivid since I started school. It’s terrible.
The other night, I had a dream that I was talking to Marilee on the phone. I wish I could remember what we were talking about. I do remember though that it didn’t have much significance. *sigh* I wish that it felt okay to talk to her. I want to talk to her so bad. I miss her so much. It has been at least 4 years since I last saw her.
I’ve also had dreams about playing the piano. I had a dream that I was sitting at a piano and an older man asked me what chords I know. *shrugs* It was an odd dream.
Sadly, I’m sure I will keep dreaming of the past. One night i would like to have a completely dreamless night.
asksofiusvnmaw;eoitudvnas;odigvjn.’/s
I liked the world so much better, when I believed that I could achieve anything.
Now, reality has hit me in the motherfucking face 20x.
I feel like I was sucked into some motherfucking fairytale when I was young.
“You can be whatever you want to be!”
Yeah right! Take your goddamn sunglasses off and see the real world.
Shit!
Today was shit. Not complete shit, but pretty shitty. The day was mostly overshadowed by one event.
*strong language and bad writing ahead!*
So I was at school today chillin’, working on chemistry. When this goddamn motherfucker that was in my writing class last fall came up and starting talking to me. [EDITZ: goddamn motherfucker is stupid, gross and in now way do i find him attractive.] Like the previous two or so times that he had talked to me since the class, I was hoping the conversation wouldn’t go very far. BUT NO. He asked me to go to lunch and I said “Yes sure.” BUT IN A MOTHERFUCKING TONE THAT SAID EH NO THANKS! then he asked me when am I available? I said tuesdays and thursdays. he said what about tomorrow? I said I have stuff to do tomorrow because I have shit due on wednesday. WHAT DOES HE SAY? what about 3? [I'm meanwhile thinking WTF DID I JUST SAY TO YOU????] so I told the MOTHERFUCKER yes because 1. I was so surprised by the whole convo and 2. this motherfucker was obviously not going to take no for an answer. ASSHOLE! I’m so angry right now. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So tomorrow I’m either going to 1. Be a bitch and ditch him or 2. Ditch him. {OMFG I just realized he is totally the type to FREAK. THE. FUCK. OUT.seriously, like FREAK! I hope I don’t have to see that! *cries*} Since that’s going to happen I’m going to have to avoid this motherfucker for the rest of the quarter. FML. *cries*
Then, when I got home I decided I wanted to go to sleep because I just wanted this motherfucking day to be over. NO not happening, I couldn’t fall asleep. While laying there trying to sleep I realized Friday is the day to sign up for classes so I decided to get on my computer and look up the numbers so I can sign up on Friday. [Don't you love run on sentences?] MOTHERFUCKERS [a.k.a. my school and stupid fuckers that go there (which sometimes includes myself)] CHANGED THE SCHEDULE. As if the schedule didn’t suck enough already. The math teacher I had been planning to sign up for got replaced with some craptastic teacher! So I had to completely change my schedule. The school’s schedule sucks SO MUCH there’s going to be a 6 hour period between my two classes that are at two different campuses.
Since I don’t know yet if I’m going to get into the MLT program, I decided I need to either sign up for biology or chemistry as my back up class which was impossible with my schedule! At least it was when trying not to get a crappy proffie and not a morning class since I’m going to be having a night class Tuesdays and Thursdays nights. Then I decided I should look up what the requirements are for the program at OHSU/OIT. That was when I was again informed that I need 25 biology credits AND 25 chemistry credits. I’m sucking at chemistry 100 right now, there’s no way I can take 20 more credits (about 4 classes) of hardcore chemistry (i.e. chemistry that involves way too much math.) So now I don’t know what I’m going to do with my self if I don’t get into the MLT program next year. I seriously don’t know.
*sigh* so I have an amazing amount of angry/sad energy balled up in me right now and I don’t know what to do with it. I’ll probably go eat and then sleep.
Or maybe I’ll just explode.
FML
Best IM convo EVAR
Right
First off, I’d like to start this lovely blog entry by saying that I have no idea where I’m going with this so I’m just gonna go.
Second, I’m very very tired so I’m in babble mode and not the most intelligent.
Three, putting waterproof liquid eyeliner on you waterline is not a good idea because it doesn’t work, it itches/tickles and it burns.
Four, the television show Community is freakin’ hilarious. I love it. The show I love even more is Glee! I now officially hate the baseball world series because Glee hasn’t been on for about two weeks and I sincerely miss it.(By the way I love how in Community the college has dorms. I’ve never heard of a community college having dorms. Mine certainly doesn’t.)
Five. Why the hell is this in a list format?!
Six, November 20th is the day to sign up for classes and I can’t decide whether or not I want to take Biology 211 with Tara or American Sign Language. Seriously I can’t decide. I can’t take them both at the same time because biology is early Tuesday and Thursday mornings at Rock Creek and sign language is late Monday or Wednesday nights. Also, I don’t think I can handle taking 3 really hard classes (Math 111, Biology 211, and ASL 101) at the same time. Plus, if I’m accepted into the MLT program after this program than it’s unnecessary for me to take biology 211, but it’s a class I would LOVE to take with Tara. But, I would love to take ASL because I’ve been wanting to learn the language for quite a while and winter and spring quarter would be the opportune time, especially if I get into the MLT program that starts next quarter.
Oh god don’t get me freakin’ thinking about what would happen if I didn’t get into the MLT program. IT’S SOMETHING I’M DEFINITELY not THINKING ABOUT.
{I ♥ caps}
[Seventh, holy crap! I can't believe how loud my local high school's band is! And the screaming fans! They must be having homecoming?]
“I have to tell you.”
*pause*
“My appendix is bursting.”
“What?”
“Yeah. Yeah. My appendix is bursting!”
*Fake screams*
lolz
Shit so this entry is getting ridiculous so I’m going to go to sleep.
Great Day
Today was a great day.
1. The 32 got to MTC in time for me to catch the next 33.
2. The 44 was early ( actually probably late) so I got to school even earlier than usual
3. I didn’t completely bomb my piano quiz and I got out of class early
4. I got my financial aid check from the business office a lot faster than I thought I would and it was a plenty of money
5. I got out of math early which was good because I seemed to be just as tired as Barry was
6. The woman I used to talk to on the 32 bus @ 7:15 was on the 32 that I got on at MTC. We exchanged lots of smiles and lovely greetings. I was SOOO happy to see her. I missed her.
7. A woman asked me what brand of shoes I was wearing were and complimented them. I told her the brand and thanked her.
8. The bus driver was an awesome one. I generously thanked him when I got off the bus.
9. Glee and Law and Order: Special Victims Unit are on tonight. They are my two favorite shows so I’m very excited to watch them.
10. I have the day off tomorrow so I’ll get to sleep in which is very awesome.
Yeah so it was a good day today, but I’m glad it’s almost over. I’m going to go eat dinner now and not fall asleep before Glee comes on.
Dreaming
Lately my dreams have been very vivid. They have been both good and bad. The good ones hurt just as much as the bad because the good ones leave me sad which make me wish they were real. Those dreams make me wonder what would have happened if things had been different. Not just in my life, but in theirs too. No matter which type of dream I wish that I could have one night where I don’t dream at all.
Last night I had a dream that there was a family with a mom, a dad and a young son that lived in an apartment complex. Their neighbors an older couple told them that somethign was going on and that they should leave. They all left togther to leave this mysterious trouble that loomed. But the mother was concerned that they hadn’t fed the family’s cat so they went back to their apartment at dusk. The young boy went in. The father was concerned that there was a serial killer in the house so he quickly went in the apartment after him. The mother followed. The boy showed them that the cat had been fed, but the father was concerned that a serial killer was looming around every dark corner in the apartment. He kept expecting to see him each time he turned a corner. As they were leaving the apartment the family decided to leave some lights on so it wouldn’t look like there was nobody home. When they walked into the parking lot their two neighbors were standing in it eating ice cream cones. They all got in the car and as they were driving around the apartment building a man wearing a black hooded cap with a mask holding two knives looming at their car. Someone in the car yelled “Go go go!” The mother who was driving drove faster and they all couldn’t believe they got past the serial killer in one piece.
I woke up after I had this dream and i didn’t go back to sleep for a couple of hours. Once i did fall asleep I had another dream.
In this dream I was in the lobby of a building that i had never been to in either real live or my dream. A group of people stood in the lobby and they all introduced themselves and told me their occupations. They somehow convinced me that I needed to shoot and kill some people. For some reason I believed them so I killed the people they told me to and left. Later that day I was at school, a school that reminded me of the Sylvania campus. I realized as I was leaving school that I had imagined the group of people that had told me to kill the people I killed. I realized that I was probably going to go to jail for a very long time, but I could probably plea guilty due to reason of mental defect. A realization that reassured me.
Those weren’t all of my dreams last night, but those were the two that were the worst and most interesting. Hopefully I’ll sleep better tonight without any deaths in my dreams.
Watching
There’s something I don’t think I have ever told anyone. Maybe.
I’m somebody who gets paranoid. I get paranoid about people watching me. Watching me through windows that have no blinds, through hidded cameras, listening to me through open windows, hiding in places where I wouldn’t be able to find them.
My house has (…uh what are they called..windows in the ceiling…it’s late, I’m tired..yeah we are just going to go with) windows in the ceiling in the bathrooms which doesn’t help with my paranoid tendencies.
I’m more likely to be paranoid about being watched at night then during the day.
I’ve been kinda depressed lately and I don’t know why.
It’s finally summer! which does make me happy. I finally get a brake from school.
There should be more on tv besides infomercials at night because I want to watch tv.
This month has gone by really fast, for the most part I really don’t appreciate that. School starts in 24 days. I’m not ready, but I’m sure I will be by then. I have only been done for about 10 days.
I’m really tired, I don’t know why i started writing all of this.
LaWlz x2i
I had things to talk about, but I suddenly lost them. Fuck!
So I’ve been trying to convince myself that I want to do something, particularly my homework, but so far that hasn’t happened. I’ve gotten as far as having my math book in my lap which is probably as far as I’ll get.
I’ve been sleeping a lot lately which means I’ve been having lots of dreams. Before my mom woke me up this morning by calling me, I was dreaming about how I was involved in a very intricate burglary scheme where each of us was in charge of a thing that the group needed. i was in charge of food so i crashed my car into a semi truck that was full of bacon so I could steal the bacon. there was a detective interviewing me because she knew I was part of this intricate scheme and she had the biggest eyes ever! my friend jeannine was in the dream and she had a twin…which was weird.
This summer I’m taking writing 122 online and math 95. The writing class is going well, but the math class not so much. I have failed two tests and I’m pretty sure I’m going to fail the class.Yeah so I suck. Oh well. I can just retake the class.
Now the cat is on my lap instead of the book so i guess I went backwards.
So I just dropped the psychology class I was signed up for and added a piano class which I’m 2nd on the waitlist for. Also, I’m 5th on the waitlist for math 95. Yeah I signed up for it since I know I’m going to fail it.
oh yeah so i changed my mind about what I want to do AGAIN. I want to become a lab technician which requires a associate’s degree. Kinda feels like a cop out but whatever. Hopefully I will be happy and enjoy it. I’m supposed to apply for the program after fall quarter, hopefully I’ll get in. If I don’t I don’t know what I’m going to do.
I’m tired of blabbering so I’m going to go now.
